The day my daughter came into the world

"One last push", they said, and I looked at hubby crying, almost pleading, for help with tears in my eyes. I felt helpless.  I felt as though there was not an iota of energy left in me to do anything more than simply lying down and resting. There was no going back from here- no way I could rewind and choose a C-section to get the baby out. That seemed like a desirable alternative at that point. In retrospect, I am happy I could deliver the way nature meant it to be. It is a truly eye-opening experience. 

As cliched as it sounds, it is true that the moment the baby is laid on your chest right after coming out of your womb is the moment when all the unpleasantness of the birth experience- the pain and struggle-vanishes all of a sudden. I remember my midwife Kathleen telling me after she had finished stitching me up, "Indu, you are glowing. All mothers do." 

She stopped crying a few seconds after she was laid on me, opened her eyes wide, and looked at me for the first time, when I called her gently. That is the most unforgettable moment in this entire experience. She clearly recognized my voice and seemed soothed by it. That look seemed to say,"Oh! it's you who kept talking to me all this while". Then she turned her gaze to her father's face when she heard his voice. Again, the same look of familiarity. She must have paused to look at each of our faces for about 5 seconds (which is a decent span of time for a newborn).

 I remember falling in love with her entire being. I had already formed a strong bond with her during pregnancy, so I never faced any trouble connecting with her or coming to terms with motherhood. In the second and third trimester, I would sing lullabies to her at bedtime, talk to her throughout the day, rub my belly and gently poke her back when she poked me from inside. My pregnancy was a thoroughly enjoyable experience, even though I had my fair share of puking, morning sickness,  heartburn, Braxton-Hicks contractions etc.

When they shifted me from the birthing suite to my private room in the hospital, I held her wrapped in my arms. I was living the dream every girl nurtures since childhood- the dream of having the cutest little doll of my own. I was so excited thinking about how I will get to bathe her, change her clothes, play with her, dance with her, sing to her, comb her hair, dress her up in the prettiest of clothes, take care of all her needs and protect her. I am her mother.  

 I had always wanted a baby girl, right from my childhood when I dreamt of having a real-life doll of my own. Fortunately, my husband also wanted a girl. We can't thank God enough for blessing us with a daughter. 

Despite the exhaustion of childbirth, surprisingly I found it hard to sleep that night, perhaps out of excitement mixed with a bit of nervousness. How is it going to turn out? Will I be a good mother? What parenting approach should I take? What are the most essential aspects of her development I need to focus on? How and where will we celebrate her first birthday? And then panic started creeping in. Who will tell us what to do when we leave the hospital and  go back home in the morning? I don't even know how to breastfeed her. WE KNOW NOTHING!!! Can we stay in hospital for one more day? These were the thoughts running in my mind. I was confident about hubby being a good father, but I was not feeling self-confident. We went back home and the days rolled by. Everything was fine. 

I want to let all the mothers-to-be and new mothers know, in all likelihood, you might have similar fears and doubts when you give birth, but rest assured that everything will be OK. You will learn most of what you need to learn, do most of the things that you need to do, and be a good enough mother, if you stay connected to your child (more about that later). Usually, that is all that is needed. Just remember not to try to be a "perfect" mother (whatever that means!).